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Dean86
Senior Member
United Kingdom
273 posts
Joined: Apr, 2004
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 Posted - 2004/06/10 : 12:43:42
Ha ive got 1
A teacher was teaching a lesson one day when she farted out loud
Not wanting the class to know it was her she decides to blame it in a pupil
So she shouts some boy at the back of the class 'Jimmy Stop That'
Jimmy Replies 'Which way did it go miss?'
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/06/10 : 12:54:05
lol nice 1 dean
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/10 : 15:38:19
A Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa *******, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.
He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!
KEEP HARDCORE ALIVE 4EVER!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/10 : 15:47:41
There are two ants living in a girl's pair of panties.
One day they decide to go exploring in the caves. They said to meet back in the same spot in and hour.
So, one ant went in one cave, and the other ant in a different cave. After an hour went by, the two ants met back up.
One ant was covered in brown, sticky, smelly stuff. "Eeew!, What was your cave like" asked the other ant.
"It was nice at first, but it soon became really smelly and the walls were all dark and sticky" replied the ant. "So how was your cave ?".
"Well" he said, "It was lovely at first, all pink and warm, but then this bald guy started head butting me and then spitting on me."
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It was the first day of a new school year.
Three boys arrive at class late and the teacher asks the first boy "Why are you tardy," the boy replies "I've been on Blueberry Hill" the teacher said "Take your seat."
She asks the next boy why he was late. "I was on Blueberry Hill also" he replied.
Then she asked the third boy, but he replied with the same answer.
As the boys we're sitting down a girl arrives in.
"Let me guess", said the teacher. "You where on Bluberry Hill aslo"
"NO.... I am Blueberry Hill" replied the girl.
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lmao
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/10 : 15:57:15
3 guys get pulled over by a woman cop.
They tried to get out of the speeding ticket, so the woman said if all ur dicks equal up to 15 inches ill let you off.
The driver pulls out his dick which is 7 inches.
The guy in the front of the passenger seat pulls his out which is 6 inches.
The last guy in the back pulls his out and it's 2 inches.
So they get out of the ticket.
After a while they hear the guy laughing hysterically in the back.
The driver asks, "What's wrong why are you laughing?" the guy in back says good thing I was popping a boner.
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Moneys short times are hard heres a f*cking chritstmas card
It was the night before christmas and all through the house everybody felt shitty even the mouse.
Moms at the whore house Dads smokin' grass I just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter I went outside to see whats the matter
Out on the lawn I saw a big dick I knew at that moment it must be saint nick.
He came out the chiminey like a bat out of hell I knew at that moment that f*cker had fell.
He filled all the stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He went up the chiminy with just one fart, I knew right then he blew my chiminy apart.
He rode off out of sight saying f*ck u all and have a good night!
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KEEP HARDCORE ALIVE 4EVER!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
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Hardcore is Life!
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/10 : 16:16:15
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.
He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.
Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."
The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."
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John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there.
While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?"
John replies: "No!"
She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me."
She then layes him down and starts making love to him.
Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?"
John replies, "No!"
The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him.
As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?"
John says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early"
The manager asks why and John replies "I'm 60 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"
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KEEP HARDCORE ALIVE 4EVER!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/10 : 16:27:50
how do you make a tissue dance?
put a little boogey in it lol
shit i no!!
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A tomato, a piece of gum, and a penis are all talking.
The tomato says "I've got the worst live, I get cut up and stuck in a sandwhich".
The piece of gum says "No, mine's worse, I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on".
The penis says "No, by far I've gor the worst life... I get a plastic bag stuck over my head, then I'm shoved in a dark tunnel and made to do push ups 'till I throw up!"
KEEP HARDCORE ALIVE 4EVER!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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Edited by - dj_excy on 2004/06/10 16:29:35 |
psymon
New Member
United Kingdom
25 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
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 Posted - 2004/06/10 : 20:47:48
Heres afew dat crak me up.
Wots pink n fluffy?Pink fluff
Wots blu n fluffy?Pink fluff holdin its breath!
Y did god giv women legs?Bcos he seen the mess snails left!
Police raided micheal jacksons home 4 drugs recently.They found class a drugs in da kitchen,class b drugs in da bathroom and class 5c in his bedroom!
Y wudnt u go out wiv an idiot dwarf?Bcos its not big and its not cleaver!
Wots da difference btween ignorance and apathy?I dnt kno and i dnt care!
Simon Johnson
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Simon Johnson
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/11 : 11:30:25
lol i like that pink n fluffy 1 i heard it b4 f*ckin great 1.
thanx simon
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
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Hardcore is Life!
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/11 : 11:34:29
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*CKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"
The Teacher fainted.
KEEP HARDCORE ALIVE 4EVER!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/11 : 11:40:48
you prob heard this 1 b4 but i love it !!
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and f*cked it,
and called it a c*nt.
KEEP HARDCORE ALIVE 4EVER!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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Edited by - dj_excy on 2004/06/11 11:41:34 |
dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/11 : 11:47:16
A women was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says "MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!" So the mother tells her the story.
The next day the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, "MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHOOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!"
On the third day the son comes out and says "MOM, MOM!" she goes "Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?" he replies "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"
lol i like that 1^^^^^
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Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the f*ck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what's your revenge, your on the rag.
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enjoy the jokes ill get some more soon :-)
KEEP HARDCORE ALIVE 4EVER!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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Edited by - dj_excy on 2004/06/11 11:48:14 |
Dean86
Senior Member
United Kingdom
273 posts
Joined: Apr, 2004
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Posted - 2004/06/14 : 14:38:26
Anyone hear about the constipated Maths teacher?
He worked it out with a pencil.
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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 Posted - 2004/06/15 : 12:45:07
lmao thats sick but a good 1
chill out like a mouse
coz dj excy's in the house!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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dj_excy
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
2,004 posts
Joined: Jun, 2004
205 hardcore releases
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Posted - 2004/06/16 : 10:42:17
The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last
day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.
The guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"
"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!"
"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"
Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."
"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"
"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a Bitch!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.
While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.
"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!"
"Oh, well then, what are you go ing to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"
"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing
compares to the taste of a Son of a Bitch."
Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop
was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they
should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.
"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch", she said.
As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked
in. "What are you doing Sister?"
"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishops' dinner."
"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"
"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish".
"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal
to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the
main course! Let me know when you've finished
cleaning that Son of a Bitch."
On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything
was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.
The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did
you get it?"
"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.
"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.
The Bishop sat silent in disbelief The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe!" The new Bishop looked around at each of them. Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said,
"You f*ckers are my kind of people."
chill out like a mouse
coz dj excy's in the house!!
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Live Every Tuesday 7-8pm uk time
www.Kniteforce-Radio.com
Hardcore is Life!
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Edited by - dj_excy on 2004/06/16 10:43:14 |
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