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eLASTIC
Advanced Member
Australia
637 posts
Joined: Mar, 2005
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 Posted - 2006/07/25 : 10:19:08
was a classic given it came from this guy lol
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2006/07/25 : 11:36:45
Jack and Jill went up the hill for a bit of f*nny,
Jack came down with a frown to find Jill was a tranny!
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:)
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1up
Advanced Member
Australia
1,091 posts
Joined: Jan, 2005
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Posted - 2006/07/25 : 13:34:25
quote:
Originally posted by kathryn:
Jack and Jill went up the hill for a bit of f*nny,
Jack came down with a frown to find Jill was a tranny!
 LOL!!!1!1!11!!!
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fcuk the rails. fcuk the rails! FCUK THE RAILS!
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Chris Goldfinger
Senior Member
United Kingdom
311 posts
Joined: May, 2006
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Posted - 2006/07/25 : 13:39:01
i feckin love trannies
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Hard2Get
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
12,837 posts
Joined: Jun, 2001
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Posted - 2006/07/25 : 13:41:53
I have a good joke......
:E
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reenz
Advanced Member
Australia
928 posts
Joined: Sep, 2005
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Posted - 2006/07/25 : 13:42:44
This one had to be done in 2 posts... if you cbf read it :)
So there's this guy, your average habitual almost anal-retentive kind of guy, and every morning he has his little ritual with the newspaper and a hot cup of tea, and this is his favourite thing in the world, he loves it, and never misses this morning routine. One morning he's flipping through the paper, and he sees an ad saying that the circus is coming to town. Well, he's very excited, 'cause he loves the circus, it's his favourite thing, so he rushes out and buys himself a brand new suit for the occasion (he loves to dress up) and rushes to buy himself a ticket. Well, the day rolls around and he strides up to the gate and thrusts his ticket at the Ticket-Taker, and in to the circus he goes. First he sees the Strong Man, and he loves the Strong Man, he's his favourite. Then he sees the Fat Lady, and he loves the Fat Lady, and then he sees the Fire Eater, and the Fire Eater is his favourite so he's very excited. But then he sees the Big Top, and he's all aglow because the Big Top is his favourite thing. So he runs up and gets a ticket to the Big Top and dashes inside to find his seat. He looks at his ticket, and sees that his seat is E-16, and he finds his seat and parks himself, waiting for the show to begin.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Children of Aaaalll Ages!!" calls the Ringmaster, and the guy is very excited, the Ringmaster is his favourite thing. Then out come the Acrobats, and he loves the Acrobats, and then comes the Animal Trainer, and he loves the animals and all the tricks that they do. But then come the Clowns...and, you see, now he's very excited because the Clowns, the Clowns are his favourite thing in the world. So he's watching the Clowns, and this one Clown steps forward and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, who is sitting in seat E-16?" and the guy checks his ticket and it's him (!), so he stands up and shouts, "I am, Clown, I am sitting in seat E-16!" And the Clown says, "There's the horse's ass, where's the other half?"
Now the guy is just devastated. Here's the Clown, his favourite thing in the world, calling him a horse's ass, and the guy is completely speechless. He leaves the circus a miserable and sobbing shadow of his former self.
For months his life is in a shambles. He can't sleep, he doesn't eat right, and his little morning routine, which had been his favourite thing, is just not enjoyable anymore. It takes almost a year, in fact, before he finally gets back into the morning routine, but it's still somehow just not the same. However, he's flipping through the paper one morning, and he sees an ad for: The School of Quick Wit and Retort This is just what I need, he thinks to himself, and rushes down to sign up. In the first year of his four-year program, he surpasses all of his fellow students. In the second year he surpasses all the senior students and the Masters of the school. In the third year he surpasses all the Senior Staff and the Founders of the School. In the fourth year, they say to him, "There is nothing more that we can teach you. You are truly the World's Master of Quick Wit and Retort. You must stay on and become our Leader." "I cannot," the guy says, "I have done what I came here to do, and now I must go back to my life." And so he does.
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<---- these boots were made for stompin'
I make whirlpools in my fishtank
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reenz
Advanced Member
Australia
928 posts
Joined: Sep, 2005
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Posted - 2006/07/25 : 13:45:47
Once again his life is back on track. His morning routine has never been better, and it's once again his favourite thing. So he's flipping through the paper one morning, sipping his hot cup of tea, and he sees an ad for the circus; the same circus is coming to town.
Well, he's very excited, because he loves the circus, it's his favourite thing, so he rushes out and buys himself a suit (because he loves to dress up). He gets himself a ticket, and on the day he strides up to the Ticket-taker, and into the circus he goes. Now first he sees the Strong Man, and he loves the Strong Man; then he sees the Fat Lady, and he loves her, and then he sees the Fire Eater, and of course he loves that, it's his favourite thing. But then he sees the Big Top, and he's all aglow because the Big Top is his favourite thing. So he runs up and gets a ticket, but he makes sure that they give him seat E-16. In he walks to the tent, and goes straight to his seat, to wait for the show to begin. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Children of Aaaalll Ages!!" calls the Ringmaster, and the guy is very excited because he loves the Ringmaster. Then out come the Acrobats, and he loves the Acrobats, and then out comes the Animal Trainer, and he loves the animals and all the tricks that they do. But then, out come the Clowns...and he loves the Clowns, they're his favourite thing in the world. So he's watching the Clowns, and loo and behold the SAME Clown (!) steps forward and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, who is sitting in seat E-16?" And the guy knows he is, so he stands up and says, "I am, Clown, I am sitting in seat E-16!" And sure enough the Clown says, "There's the horse's ass, where's the other half?" To which the guy responds...
"Hey, **** you, Clown."
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<---- these boots were made for stompin'
I make whirlpools in my fishtank
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2006/07/26 : 13:47:26
quote:
Originally posted by Chris Goldfinger:
i feckin love trannies
Hehe! cocks in frocks 
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:)
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Entity
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,329 posts
Joined: Jul, 2003
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Posted - 2006/07/27 : 22:02:10
While not a joke, this is by FAR the funniest radio clip I have EVER heard.
Apologies if someone has already posted this and I've missed it.
This is a classic..... ARMAGEDDON!!!!
http://www.andybetts.co.uk/Humour/mpgs/Armageddon.wav
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Jessikah
Senior Member
United Kingdom
307 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2006/07/28 : 12:28:26
haha hers sum gudins lol
When i was a girl, i had a little quim,
I sat upon my bed & put a finger in,
Now im a woman & full of grace & charm,
I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY ****IN ARM!!
Ever wonder how the seven dwarves got their names?
Miss Snow White was a randy cow,
And desperate for a ****.
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck!
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke.
Then stumbled on a cottage,
And went in for a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven Dwarves came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven!
Originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
"My fanny need a lick!"
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said "Oi-you'd better drop you pick!"
So down he went onto all fours,
And said "I ain't licking that!"
"Not there, that me arse-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!"
The next dwarf started blushing,
"Do we have to do it here?"
Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL!
Unless you're ****ing queer!"
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho"
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling,
'Cos he hadn't had a sniff.
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.
"Relax, you GRUMPY bastard",
So he did as he was told.
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his ****ing load.
The next dwarf got a blow job,
And she took him in quite easy.
But she just avoided brain-damage,
Whe he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
"You're next, I want your knob!"
But no sooner had he entered her,
Than he was sleeping on the job.
"Wake up you SLEEPY idiot"
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw.
And dazed Snow White then whimpered,
"That should be against the law!"
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
"No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that ****ing great big dick."
With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
My clit can't take no more.!"
And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had put their cocks.
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last one DOC.
Now Snow White couldn't do much,
With all that cum inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.
So there's the truth about the dwarves,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying miss Snow White,
And joining in her games.
There's one more thing you need to know,
And that's what happened to that cup?
Well think of what you're drinking...
When you next buy 7-UP
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[[*x..!! Hardcore Till I Die!!..x*]]
"Look at me! I'm an attention whore!"
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kathryn
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
6,520 posts
Joined: Apr, 2005
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Posted - 2006/07/28 : 12:44:25
Blimey Jessikah!
How long did it take you to type all that? 
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:)
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K-Hole
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,098 posts
Joined: Mar, 2003
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Posted - 2006/07/28 : 17:02:12
quote:
Originally posted by Hard2Get:
I have a good joke......
:E
You know it!
:E
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irc.happyhardcore.com
#hardcore
Breaking goats since '03.
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Jessikah
Senior Member
United Kingdom
307 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2006/07/28 : 17:11:36
haha didnt take long jus copied it off me m8, a fort it wer a gudin aktch lol
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[[*x..!! Hardcore Till I Die!!..x*]]
"Look at me! I'm an attention whore!"
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jessie
New Member
United Kingdom
39 posts
Joined: May, 2006
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Posted - 2006/08/01 : 18:57:22
Good 1 Jessikah lol!
hahahahahaha
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slippery when wet
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bristolboy05
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
955 posts
Joined: Mar, 2005
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Posted - 2006/08/01 : 19:38:33
this is a good one.
there is this family of germans.
a little kid is shoppin wid his sister and he picks up a england shirt and says 2 his sister, im gonna start supportin england.
his sister went mental and slaps him, then she says go and see ur mum.
so the kid goes and see his mum and says, i just started to support england.
his mum goes mad and slaps him again, then says go and see ur dad.
so he goes and see's his dad, tells him and he does the same.
on the way home his dad says, wot ave u learnt today son.
the kid replies, ive bin a england fan for less than a hour and already i hate u geman bastards.
lol, i didnt explain it that well but its still funny.
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Love Peace Unity Hardcore United Harmony
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