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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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 Posted - 2004/05/20 : 16:33:14
Little Johnny was sitting in biology class and the teacher said
that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter,
no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shot up. "Not correct, Miss!" he said.
"Please explain, Johnny," replied the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the veranda.
The neighbor's Great Dane came around the corner
and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!" and before he could say
'F*CK OFF!', the dog ate him!"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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Edited by - bigmaddaz on 2004/05/20 16:42:34 |
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/20 : 16:39:03
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!",
"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!",
she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" ,
"DO IT!".
So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.",
so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says,
"See honey - its not that hard.
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/20 : 16:42:06
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and
a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor
asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man.
"I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when
she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around,
I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough,
there was my wife's golf ball...
stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt.
That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,
'Hey, this looks like yours!
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:34:05
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor
had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her.
She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped,
but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much.
I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her.
"A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone.
Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:38:31
Harold the Dumb blonde and David are out in the woods hunting.
Suddenly, David falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
Harold whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps to the operator, "My friend looks like he's dead! What can I do?"
The police operator, in a calm soothing voice says,
"Just take it easy. I can help....First, lets make sure he's dead."
....There is a silence, then a shot is heard..... Harold then says,
"OK, now what?"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:39:49
Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital.
The doctor says to the old man,
"I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample."
The old man says, "What?"
So the doctor says it again.
Once again the old man says, "what?"
So the doctor yells it,
"I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"
With that the old woman turns to the old man and says,
"He needs a pair of your underwear!"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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sexy_Rhi_Rhi
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
567 posts
Joined: Apr, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:42:12
lmao there gooduns:)i got another crap one k?:)
right..there was this guy n he was cheating on his wife(lorraine) with a girl called claira..then 1 day he killed his wife n sed "i can see claira now lorraine has gone":)n e 1 get it?lol
~*RaVeReSs BaBeH*~
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~*RaVeReSs BaBeH*~
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:42:57
There was a loser who couldn't get a date.
He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.
The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.
After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a
good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"
He said, "Why,... Yes I am!"
So they went to his place and when they were in bed,
screwing, he started to laugh to himself.
When she asked what was so funny,
he answered,
"Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes,
and I'm already screwing someone!"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:46:17
quote:
Originally posted by sexy_Rhi_Rhi:
lmao there gooduns:)i got another crap one k?:)
right..there was this guy n he was cheating on his wife(lorraine) with a girl called claira..then 1 day he killed his wife n sed "i can see claira now lorraine has gone":)n e 1 get it?lol
lol pretty kool i can see clearer now the rain has gone lol?
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:48:31
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket
and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that
they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,
"Some a**hole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man
standing right behind him, so he added,
"And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager found the boy and said
"I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.
We like people who think on their feet here.
"Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied,
"No shit??? Who did she play for?"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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Edited by - bigmaddaz on 2004/05/21 14:49:28 |
bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
|
Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:50:22
A hippie were walking down the street
one day when a pixie fell on him.
"Today is your lucky day!" said the pixie.
"I'm gonna give you two wishes.
What will the first one be?"
The hippie thought for a moment and then
said, "I want a never ending joint."
So the pixie snapped his fingers and there is this king sized joint.
The hippie lit it up and started puffing.
After five puffs, the joint was still the same length.
Next the pixie said, "...And number two?"
The hippie replied,
"This is so cool man!
Gimme another one!"
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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sexy_Rhi_Rhi
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
567 posts
Joined: Apr, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:54:49
correct maddez:)
~*RaVeReSs BaBeH*~
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~*RaVeReSs BaBeH*~
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:55:08
There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow
and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor's
bull and turned it loose in the pasture.
He told his son to watch and come in and tell him
when the bull was finished.
"Yeah daddy, yeah daddy," said the little boy.
After a while the boy came into the living room where his
father was talking with some friends.
"Say, Pop," said the boy.
"Yes," replied his father.
"The bull just screwed the hell out of the brown cow."
There was a sudden lull in the conversation.
The father said "Excuse me" and took his son outside.
"Son, you mustn't use language like that in front of company.
You should say 'The bull surprised the brown cow'.
Now go and watch and tell me when the bull
surprises the white cow."
The father went back inside the house.
After a while the boy came in and said,
"Hey, Daddy."
"Yes, son. Did the bull surprise the white cow?"
"He sure did, Pop!
He screwed the hell out of the brown cow again!
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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bigmaddaz
Senior Member
United Kingdom
330 posts
Joined: May, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:56:37
The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals,
and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"
The doctor leading the tour explains,
"I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition
where the testicles rapidly fill with semen.
If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode
and he would most likely die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.
"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!
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HARDCORE NEVER DIES!!!!!
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sexy_Rhi_Rhi
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
567 posts
Joined: Apr, 2004
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Posted - 2004/05/21 : 14:58:38
jus tried addin u on msn maddez:|why avnt u accepted:(
~*RaVeReSs BaBeH*~
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~*RaVeReSs BaBeH*~
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