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Quicksilver
Advanced Member
Sweden
2,545 posts
Joined: Jul, 2007
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 Posted - 2013/07/07 : 22:03:00
I just have to rant. This is pretty random.
I'm starting to dislike people more and more. The society in general, even? I feel like I belong to the few % that actually have a functional brain. Maybe it could be just who I am and how I act and react that puts me in an awkward social spot. That I have these, to me, obvious expectations.
Take for example online dating: So I have this profile on a queer community. I think the majority of the boards know I'm gay, so if you don't then now you do and this will be a bit less confusing. I have presented myself in a positive way, got some nice "happy" pictures. I have some conditions, like I don't want these old pervy men to contact me and that's my first rant: some of them still do even though it should be the first thing they read... But of course, the majority only looks at the pictures. This profile covers everything that you need to know for a first contact. So some people start writing, some start off nicely and some just go like "hey" and those conversations usually die after: Me: "Hey"... Him: "what's up?"... Me: "Not much, <doing this generic thing>, <maybe add that I just got home from the gym>, you?"... Him: "ok, not much here"... and there the convos end cause I sit there thinking that those kind of short, closed replies are just annoying and if you two seconds ago initiated a convo at least show some interest in continuing it?
Then there's the "if you write to me, at least have a pic of your face or send one"... then you get tons of messages from people who don't have a pic and don't send one in their message. I just ignore those, usually. Then there's also those who ask "what are you looking for here?" and that's also written clearly in the profile. I usually end up going "read my profile" or ignoring altogether, and usually the reply to the aforementioned is "ok nice" and there ends the convo. If you write to someone, bloody read the profile info and don't just look at the pictures!!
So there I have already ruled out 90% of that community. So let's go to the other 10%. Some of them are in the same city and half don't reply back (it's not a big one so you'd expect people to find it interesting when people write?). Some don't reply at all, some of them reply for a couple of messages, then they stop replying and you can see in the outbox that they haven't read but are online everyday... and days go by... no reply... eventually I just delete the message. :P That leaves about 1-2%.
Next rant is not about any specific community but people's in general inability to be honest. This goes for anyone. Why can't the majority just say what they actually think and not sugarcoat or straight up lie!? I've become so suspicious of everyone that I always expect the worst from people and if I get told reasons for actions or situations I am always skeptic and rarely trust anyone from the get-go because a lot of times I'm too nice (I've heard this a lot) and people like to take advantage of that I guess. I feel like I've learnt the hard way.
I'm also a very lonely soul for being very social, happy and fun. I've never liked it, I've always wanted that one friend you always call every night or hang out with but I've never had that and people have said since I was like 13 years old "it'll get better in high school..." "it'll get better when you get a job...", and what's their excuse now? I'm very liked at workplaces and people who attend my GF classes at the gym. Still I can never get one good friend. All I do is sit in front of the computer, have classes at the gym or go to work. I rarely have any social activities outside the gym and I do try but rarely get through. I've had some guys tell me "I don't believe you've only had two boyfriends!?" (last one was three years ago :o)... so I wonder, am I that hard to like or be around? It sucks! I'm 24 years old and ticking and I'm panicing - I thought it was bad when I was 18 but that's nothing compared to how I feel these days.
I'm really sorry for this random rant but I had to get shit out of me. I don't blame you if you didn't read that wall of text. :D
__________________________________
a.k.a. Phaaze
My SOUNDCLOUD
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whispering
Moderator
Finland
8,453 posts
Joined: Nov, 2002
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Posted - 2013/07/07 : 22:16:13
From the first 2 paragraphs you could easily change your sex to female and it would still make sense. Which would give a nice setting for a "all men are the same" and "all men are *******s" rant.
As far as the rest of the post goes, i suppose if you're a social person it can get to you. I'm not, been single for about 10 years now. Scary part is longer it go's less i care. Dated a lot of girls when i was 15-20, got burned hard at the end, and just stopped dating.
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Edited by - whispering on 2013/07/07 22:18:51 |
Future_Shock
Advanced Member
Australia
2,483 posts
Joined: Apr, 2007
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Posted - 2013/07/07 : 23:10:31
Lol. I read it.
Here's the thing about the internet: It brings out the ******* in people. There's virtually no repercussions for being one. Nobody can infringe on your own reality, nobody is going to confront you physically. Online dating is probably the worst, most shallow thing you can subject yourself to. It's not at all positive in my experience and has only ever let to sex without me wanting to ever contact them again.
The other thing is, it becomes harder and harder as you get older to make friends. Sorry, not to make friends - to meet new ones. When you're younger you're subject to all these forced social interactions, school, parties, sport etc. As you get older that kinda just.... Stops. Outside of work, anyway.
By the way 24 isn't old. I turned 26 a few months ago. Passing 25 makes you feel like shit - it's happened to everyone i know. It spurs on this "What the **** am i DOING with my life?!" mentality. So you've got that to look forward to.
I've never been a socially unpopular person i've always had the friends you're talking about, although i purposely subject myself to social situations even if I don't want to be in them - and most of my close friends i've known for 10+ years. But this year i made a WHOLE bunch of new ones. Two things that heavily subject you to new people to make friends with:
1) Move in with a random person. There are all kinds of share-rent places where you can move in with someone random about your age. You'll have to sit through and interview etc but a LOT of people (read: A LOT OF PEOPLE) become SUPER close friends with the people/person they live with. It's kind of unavoidable - you spend so much time around each other. You'll either hate each other with a passion, or love. It'll be one of the two.
Plus, you're gay. Basically your pick of the females you want to live with. They'll ALL have you.
2) Study. University exposes you to a lot of ****ing new people. Some of them you'll click with straight away and wont ever stop being friends. You'll also meet gay people. And further your education to probably getting a better job. Which will attract better people. Which will make you happier and more productive. Which will get you a better job. See the theme here?
Other thing is, people get busier as they get older. Relationships are more serious, they have university, or jobs, or other responsibilities. It gets harder and harder to add another close friend into the equation. In saying that, though, I have probably 4 people i speak to on a daily basis (two girls, two guys) not including the girls i date (which can vary a lot). And i know all of them through university or i've known them forever.
There's one more thing i'll address here: Psychology. Specifically social psychology.
Intelligent people tend to alienate themselves. The more intelligent you are, the worse it is. For the people who don't really understand the social "game" it's by far worse still. I'm quite intelligent but never had trouble understanding the social game. You seem to. By and large people are idiots and frustratingly stupid and it would be so much more helpful if everyone was upfront - but they're not. That's not how the social game works.
"Don't hate the players hate the game"
Although i wouldn't advise that. Hating anything over a long period of time will just make you bitter and nobody will want to be around you and you'll die alone. You have to find some pleasure out of why people are the way they are and why they do the things they do. Honestly, i was heading down the same path until i found some humour out of the situation.
I'm just rambling now but that's a lot for you to think about.
__________________________________
New Future Shock Hardcore: https://soundcloud.com/futureshockgroup
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Serenity
Average Member
United States
173 posts
Joined: Jul, 2005
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Posted - 2013/07/07 : 23:20:23
I think that online dating, no matter what community, is challenging. You never know what you'll find.
As for honesty, it can be hard to tell the truth when you know it will hurt someone. But there are a lot of really crappy people out there. Better to find a few great people either online or in real life than know many fake/shallow ones.
I also wouldn't be too concerned about number of boyfriends you've had. I've dated a lot, and apparently have the "good luck chuck" curse. You date me, even for a very short time, and you'll meet your wife/fiance next. So I'm sure you'll meet someone that makes you happy at some point in time, but you can never predict when that will be. You have to be happy alone before that'll happen too.
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whispering
Moderator
Finland
8,453 posts
Joined: Nov, 2002
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Posted - 2013/07/07 : 23:25:43
quote:
Originally posted by Serenity:
I've dated a lot, and apparently have the "good luck chuck" curse. You date me, even for a very short time, and you'll meet your wife/fiance next.
We should have a one-night stand.
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Kebab Head
Advanced Member
Wallis And Futuna Islands
645 posts
Joined: Jan, 2012
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Posted - 2013/07/07 : 23:35:11
I'm going to diagnose you with a personality disorder, I'm not sure which one yet!!!
I will get back to you on this
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Hard2Get
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
12,837 posts
Joined: Jun, 2001
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Posted - 2013/07/07 : 23:38:32
quote:
I also wouldn't be too concerned about number of boyfriends you've had. I've dated a lot, and apparently have the "good luck chuck" curse. You date me, even for a very short time, and you'll meet your wife/fiance next.
Surely that would be a good thing lol?
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Serenity
Average Member
United States
173 posts
Joined: Jul, 2005
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Posted - 2013/07/07 : 23:41:47
quote:
Originally posted by Hard2Get:
quote:
I also wouldn't be too concerned about number of boyfriends you've had. I've dated a lot, and apparently have the "good luck chuck" curse. You date me, even for a very short time, and you'll meet your wife/fiance next.
Surely that would be a good thing lol?
I'm still single so no, not good! lol (But I suppose good for those that date me)
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Hard2Get
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
12,837 posts
Joined: Jun, 2001
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Posted - 2013/07/07 : 23:45:29
I meant good for them yes. I thought you were saying it is bad for them.
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latininxtc
Advanced Member
United States
7,307 posts
Joined: Feb, 2006
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Posted - 2013/07/08 : 00:48:51
quote:
Originally posted by whispering:
From the first 2 paragraphs you could easily change your sex to female and it would still make sense. Which would give a nice setting for a "all men are the same" and "all men are *******s" rant.
Well he is gay, so that's not a far stretch...
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latininxtc
Advanced Member
United States
7,307 posts
Joined: Feb, 2006
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Posted - 2013/07/08 : 01:35:44
Alright just finished reading those wonderful novels you left Quicksilver and Andy. First thing's first:
Whispering: lol at the one-night-stand comment.
Second, I don't believe this is online dating quicksilver is talking about. He's more than likely talking about these gay apps that are used mostly to hook-up. Grindr is the most well known one and used around the world, and there are others such as Growlr, Scruff, Jack'd, GuySpy, Adam4Adam, etc. It's GPS-oriented so you can find out what's gay around you and how far. It takes online dating to a much faster pace.
To begin with, the majority of the guys on there, even if they say they're not, are looking for sex. So finding someone of substance is not going to happen very often. And when you do find those that aren't, there's almost always something socially awkward about them that you will find. Usually people who rely on these apps don't socialize with other gay men real well. Apps like these tend to make it easier, but personally I never found anyone of substance on there. I still have the apps, but I just go on there and see what's gay around me lol.
I think the issue is that you just don't have much in common with the common gay man. That's what I find myself seeing. I am sociable, a bit if a selective socializer, but I get along well with women and most straight men. When it comes to gay guys, I feel I have little in common with them. I'm not a fan of Madonna and all of that other gay shit, and I don't like going to the gay bars and clubs very often.
As far as tastes in music, very few gay guys would like UK hardcore, and even then the gay guys that do here are usually kandi kids, which overall I find them off to begin with and don't associate myself with them lol.
I can't say much about the rest because I find myself in a similar dilemma. I don't really connect with anyone here in Houston, intimately or just for friendship. It would be nice for me to pick up and have a fresh start somewhere else, like the UK, but sadly this will have to do for now.
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Lilley
Advanced Member
Australia
3,740 posts
Joined: Jul, 2006
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Posted - 2013/07/08 : 09:49:17
Quiksilver, I honestly think I could reply to the points in your post wholly with fight club quotes.
__________________________________
nearly in line....
.....strange continuity problems
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Edited by - Lilley on 2013/07/08 09:49:33 |
Quicksilver
Advanced Member
Sweden
2,545 posts
Joined: Jul, 2007
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Posted - 2013/07/08 : 14:44:45
quote:
Originally posted by Andy_Influx:
Lol. I read it.
Here's the thing about the internet: It brings out the ******* in people. There's virtually no repercussions for being one. Nobody can infringe on your own reality, nobody is going to confront you physically. Online dating is probably the worst, most shallow thing you can subject yourself to. It's not at all positive in my experience and has only ever let to sex without me wanting to ever contact them again.
The other thing is, it becomes harder and harder as you get older to make friends. Sorry, not to make friends - to meet new ones. When you're younger you're subject to all these forced social interactions, school, parties, sport etc. As you get older that kinda just.... Stops. Outside of work, anyway.
By the way 24 isn't old. I turned 26 a few months ago. Passing 25 makes you feel like shit - it's happened to everyone i know. It spurs on this "What the **** am i DOING with my life?!" mentality. So you've got that to look forward to.
I've never been a socially unpopular person i've always had the friends you're talking about, although i purposely subject myself to social situations even if I don't want to be in them - and most of my close friends i've known for 10+ years. But this year i made a WHOLE bunch of new ones. Two things that heavily subject you to new people to make friends with:
1) Move in with a random person. There are all kinds of share-rent places where you can move in with someone random about your age. You'll have to sit through and interview etc but a LOT of people (read: A LOT OF PEOPLE) become SUPER close friends with the people/person they live with. It's kind of unavoidable - you spend so much time around each other. You'll either hate each other with a passion, or love. It'll be one of the two.
Plus, you're gay. Basically your pick of the females you want to live with. They'll ALL have you.
2) Study. University exposes you to a lot of ****ing new people. Some of them you'll click with straight away and wont ever stop being friends. You'll also meet gay people. And further your education to probably getting a better job. Which will attract better people. Which will make you happier and more productive. Which will get you a better job. See the theme here?
Other thing is, people get busier as they get older. Relationships are more serious, they have university, or jobs, or other responsibilities. It gets harder and harder to add another close friend into the equation. In saying that, though, I have probably 4 people i speak to on a daily basis (two girls, two guys) not including the girls i date (which can vary a lot). And i know all of them through university or i've known them forever.
There's one more thing i'll address here: Psychology. Specifically social psychology.
Intelligent people tend to alienate themselves. The more intelligent you are, the worse it is. For the people who don't really understand the social "game" it's by far worse still. I'm quite intelligent but never had trouble understanding the social game. You seem to. By and large people are idiots and frustratingly stupid and it would be so much more helpful if everyone was upfront - but they're not. That's not how the social game works.
"Don't hate the players hate the game"
Although i wouldn't advise that. Hating anything over a long period of time will just make you bitter and nobody will want to be around you and you'll die alone. You have to find some pleasure out of why people are the way they are and why they do the things they do. Honestly, i was heading down the same path until i found some humour out of the situation.
I'm just rambling now but that's a lot for you to think about.
Yeah, man. Internet is strange grounds to tread. I don't mind having just sex, not too proud to admit that :P, but I want something more than that too! I made an experiment on the Grindr app that latinxtc mentioned. First few weeks I had a normal portrait profile pic and last week I changed it to a shirtless one, a bit "sexier" if you'd like, to see if there'd be a change in amount of people writing to me and suddenly new messages popped up to the left and right. :P People are so predictable and shallow. By shallow, I don't condemn the fact that looks are important. They are important, but for some people looks is 95% and personality the other 5%. For me it's equal, 50/50. If I don't feel attracted to the face, I'll just want to be friends, if I don't feel attracted to the personality I'll happily just resort to sex. :D
I could never get a room mate. Wouldn't work. I do want a partner to live with though, but a room mate would just be unnecessary hassle. :P
I do live in one of the major university cities of Sweden. Live a 10 min walk from the university and been in contact with few of the gay guys there but also know there are dozens I haven't noticed yet. ;P
It's not that I don't understand the social game, it's that I don't like it and refuse to play along with it. I am who I am, I don't try to fit in, which I guess is shooting myself in the foot.
quote:
Originally posted by whispering:
From the first 2 paragraphs you could easily change your sex to female and it would still make sense. Which would give a nice setting for a "all men are the same" and "all men are *******s" rant.
Haha you're probably right, I was thinking of writing more about it but it ended up pretty generic.
quote:
Originally posted by Kebab Head:
I'm going to diagnose you with a personality disorder, I'm not sure which one yet!!!
I will get back to you on this
Do it! ;)
quote:
Originally posted by latininxtc:
Second, I don't believe this is online dating quicksilver is talking about. He's more than likely talking about these gay apps that are used mostly to hook-up. Grindr is the most well known one and used around the world, and there are others such as Growlr, Scruff, Jack'd, GuySpy, Adam4Adam, etc. It's GPS-oriented so you can find out what's gay around you and how far. It takes online dating to a much faster pace.
To begin with, the majority of the guys on there, even if they say they're not, are looking for sex. So finding someone of substance is not going to happen very often. And when you do find those that aren't, there's almost always something socially awkward about them that you will find. Usually people who rely on these apps don't socialize with other gay men real well. Apps like these tend to make it easier, but personally I never found anyone of substance on there. I still have the apps, but I just go on there and see what's gay around me lol.
I think the issue is that you just don't have much in common with the common gay man. That's what I find myself seeing. I am sociable, a bit if a selective socializer, but I get along well with women and most straight men. When it comes to gay guys, I feel I have little in common with them. I'm not a fan of Madonna and all of that other gay shit, and I don't like going to the gay bars and clubs very often.
As far as tastes in music, very few gay guys would like UK hardcore, and even then the gay guys that do here are usually kandi kids, which overall I find them off to begin with and don't associate myself with them lol.
I can't say much about the rest because I find myself in a similar dilemma. I don't really connect with anyone here in Houston, intimately or just for friendship. It would be nice for me to pick up and have a fresh start somewhere else, like the UK, but sadly this will have to do for now.
You're half-right, I do use Grindr but mainly speaking of qruiser.com, which is a swedish gay community but it's available to the whole world. Grinder was part of it. :) I didn't know you were gay, too Latin. It's exactly like you describe. You took the words right out of my mouth. ;) I get many comments that I'm not what you expect from a gay person (THANK YOU HOLLYWOOD AND AMERICAN TV). Most people in real life are surprised by the fact and think I'm joking. I think cause I don't feel at home with the pride culture etc I might alienate myself from the crowd.
I will add though that I can listen to anything, no matter how gay it might be. I love some of Madonna's older songs, for example. Cher - Turn Back Time is a favourite from the 80s. :P As gay as it gets... lol. But then again, I listen to it cause it's good music. Same goes for UK hardcore, might not be the most sophisticated music but it appeals to me. You can hear me listening to Madonna one day and then the other day I'm listening to Rammstein and Eisbrecher (german electronic metal).
quote:
Originally posted by Lilley:
Quiksilver, I honestly think I could reply to the points in your post wholly with fight club quotes.
You gotta do that... come on now. :D
__________________________________
a.k.a. Phaaze
My SOUNDCLOUD
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Edited by - Quicksilver on 2013/07/08 14:46:43 |
don_simon3000
Senior Member
Austria
342 posts
Joined: Jan, 2009
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Posted - 2013/07/08 : 16:06:09
quote:
Originally posted by Quicksilver:
I just have to rant. This is pretty random.
I'm starting to dislike people more and more. The society in general, even? I feel like I belong to the few % that actually have a functional brain. Maybe it could be just who I am and how I act and react that puts me in an awkward social spot. That I have these, to me, obvious expectations.
Take for example online dating: So I have this profile on a queer community. I think the majority of the boards know I'm gay, so if you don't then now you do and this will be a bit less confusing. I have presented myself in a positive way, got some nice "happy" pictures. I have some conditions, like I don't want these old pervy men to contact me and that's my first rant: some of them still do even though it should be the first thing they read... But of course, the majority only looks at the pictures. This profile covers everything that you need to know for a first contact. So some people start writing, some start off nicely and some just go like "hey" and those conversations usually die after: Me: "Hey"... Him: "what's up?"... Me: "Not much, <doing this generic thing>, <maybe add that I just got home from the gym>, you?"... Him: "ok, not much here"... and there the convos end cause I sit there thinking that those kind of short, closed replies are just annoying and if you two seconds ago initiated a convo at least show some interest in continuing it?
Then there's the "if you write to me, at least have a pic of your face or send one"... then you get tons of messages from people who don't have a pic and don't send one in their message. I just ignore those, usually. Then there's also those who ask "what are you looking for here?" and that's also written clearly in the profile. I usually end up going "read my profile" or ignoring altogether, and usually the reply to the aforementioned is "ok nice" and there ends the convo. If you write to someone, bloody read the profile info and don't just look at the pictures!!
So there I have already ruled out 90% of that community. So let's go to the other 10%. Some of them are in the same city and half don't reply back (it's not a big one so you'd expect people to find it interesting when people write?). Some don't reply at all, some of them reply for a couple of messages, then they stop replying and you can see in the outbox that they haven't read but are online everyday... and days go by... no reply... eventually I just delete the message. :P That leaves about 1-2%.
Next rant is not about any specific community but people's in general inability to be honest. This goes for anyone. Why can't the majority just say what they actually think and not sugarcoat or straight up lie!? I've become so suspicious of everyone that I always expect the worst from people and if I get told reasons for actions or situations I am always skeptic and rarely trust anyone from the get-go because a lot of times I'm too nice (I've heard this a lot) and people like to take advantage of that I guess. I feel like I've learnt the hard way.
I'm also a very lonely soul for being very social, happy and fun. I've never liked it, I've always wanted that one friend you always call every night or hang out with but I've never had that and people have said since I was like 13 years old "it'll get better in high school..." "it'll get better when you get a job...", and what's their excuse now? I'm very liked at workplaces and people who attend my GF classes at the gym. Still I can never get one good friend. All I do is sit in front of the computer, have classes at the gym or go to work. I rarely have any social activities outside the gym and I do try but rarely get through. I've had some guys tell me "I don't believe you've only had two boyfriends!?" (last one was three years ago :o)... so I wonder, am I that hard to like or be around? It sucks! I'm 24 years old and ticking and I'm panicing - I thought it was bad when I was 18 but that's nothing compared to how I feel these days.
I'm really sorry for this random rant but I had to get shit out of me. I don't blame you if you didn't read that wall of text. :D
hmmmm.... first line i can agree with. society sucks. and it's getting worse and worse. i am having reccently so many rants and aggressive actions which come out of pure frustration over it, that i spend half of my time at the police :(
i did not know that you were gay. about these communities: i can only speak for myself. no matter what you do, you doing it wrong: adding smile / positive pictures all you get as an answer is why you are smiling so much, try to look serious. then you add pics where you look serious and they complain that you look too serious. that goes on with clothing style and hair-style, i had pale skin - guess what? complains! i went to sunbed, added fake tan guess what? complains!
the old pervy men can only be prevented if you go out dating people. having said that, its not easy either. especially if you cant go out sober dating folks. and as soon as you overdose with drugs or booze you are out of the game as well. i had a time when it seemed to work pretty well but that was years ago.
N E V E R had any luck with online profiles. lots of fakers or "strange" people.
finding a good friend and having a relationship basically excludes each other imho. i have 3 very good friends (but i made them years ago - since then not a single one) they know every shit about me. the guys i had relationships with were neither good friends nor do i have contact with them anymore.
i understand a lot of what you have written and basically see pretty much of the same in myself, only that i am even 4 years older. saturday i went to a party and desperation got me. i took the taxi home 3 times to change my clothing style in hope it helps. it didn't.
so you see i can't really help you. maybe you might think about getting a dog (was doing this since 2 days) to kill the feeling of sadness and being lonely all the time.
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Elipton
Advanced Member
United Kingdom
1,268 posts
Joined: Apr, 2013
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Posted - 2013/07/08 : 16:06:42
quote:
Originally posted by latininxtc:
quote:
Originally posted by whispering:
From the first 2 paragraphs you could easily change your sex to female and it would still make sense. Which would give a nice setting for a "all men are the same" and "all men are *******s" rant.
Well he is gay, so that's not a far stretch...
bit uncalled for..
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latininxtc
Advanced Member
United States
7,307 posts
Joined: Feb, 2006
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Posted - 2013/07/08 : 17:07:21
quote:
Originally posted by Elipton:
quote:
Originally posted by latininxtc:
quote:
Originally posted by whispering:
From the first 2 paragraphs you could easily change your sex to female and it would still make sense. Which would give a nice setting for a "all men are the same" and "all men are *******s" rant.
Well he is gay, so that's not a far stretch...
bit uncalled for..
I was clearly joking I wouldn't make an offensive comment like that and put it on the forum, that's what private messages are for.
And you are the least person out there to judge what's uncalled for and what isn't considering the douchebaggery you are involved in online.
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